I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i wish my penis had a tongue
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
