Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
