His apartment number was 69. I had to.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
