i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
