Kiss
Puke
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
