the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
