What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
