sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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