I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
