we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
