is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
