found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
