I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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