Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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