Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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