Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
