is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
