He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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