he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
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His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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