I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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