and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
