I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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