I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
