Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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