Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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