Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
