I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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