you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
