I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
