i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
