i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize