We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
...so i touched it.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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