proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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