I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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