a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
