You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I believe in your delicious
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
