You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
