I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
