turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
