Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
