Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
