it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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