Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
