I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize