6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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