Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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