Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
