so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
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