so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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