I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
