we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Please don't give away my fajitas
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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