i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
