The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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