You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
