Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
