Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
