You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
