That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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