you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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