So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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