I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
