You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
