lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with