"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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