sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
