I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
