You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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