it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink