so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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