The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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