i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
