It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize