So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
